Well I guess I'm disspointed in a few things I wish I found someone going thro exactly what I am I know a lot of people have bad anexity like me but the fears aren't the same like my anexity is bad its always been it was a struggle to work to do anything hanging with friends going to the mall but I still had days when I was ok and I could do these things with barely any anexity feeling but three months ago I started havin panic attacks everyday at work and had to stop working so I was home all day everyday then developed agoraphobia which now leaving my house is torture because I get anexity attacks not just anexity but attacks being in a car being anywhere other then my home and btw the past three years of me having anexity I never once seeked help for it ever never only because I knew doctors would give me medication and I don't want that espcially since before I was addicted to pills so me taking pills again wouldn't be a good thing and anyways my anexity I need to be completely sober if I feel a little anything I start havin an attack well my anexity started because I was scared to become crazy you know crazy like people in crazy houses not normal anymore ones that kill people to if I feel anexity and I'm in my kitchen and see a knife ill get anexity and start thinking what if I grab that knife and stab someone I would NEVER do that but I'm putting things in my head and getting freaked out by it because what if I did that what if I was crazy I don't think I'm actually crazy but I'm scared to death to become crazy like what if I start banging my head against walls that's crazy stuff I would never do it but in my head its always what if I did so it just makes my heart race and a lot of times I'm traped in my head that's how I feel traped in my head with all these fears and over the years its like anything triggers this feeling not even crazy thoughts being in crowed areas I feel anexity being in a traveling car and even sometimes just being at a red light going to the cornor store what do I expect to live in my house everyday forever and never experience going anywhere I just can't put that torturest thought of havin an attack on myself i know how I will feel so I don't want to put myself thro it so instead ill stay home that's my mind set I'm surprised I'm not extremly depresssed right now I guess this post is more of a rant then actually looking for advice because I've had a lot of advice and good ones and still never did anything that nd plus I don't really have anyone in my life really pushing me to do it I'm sad I'm an adult I feel like I need to be more responsible I need to be proactive and I just can't push myself this is not me my fantasy is just to go for a long car ride and be ok I use to enjoy just driving around or even go to the cornor store or shopping the nail salon or even going for a walk those are the best fantasys and thinking ill never experience it is heart wrenching and when someone comes no beach no nothin no camping omg I love camping idk what to do just live in my room