It seems to me that you are scrambling around trying to help people who don't want to be helped. They want to be rescued. You're trying to fix an unfixable situation because the problem isn't you. It isn't what you do or don't do, did or didn't do that is the problem. THEY are the problem and it's one huge immoveable problem that you cannot fix, ever.

You will never ever make your mother happy. Ever. Because she is not happy herself, and she is projecting that onto you. She is making you her rescuer. She is making her own daughter responsible for HER emotions. That is impossible.

So you can spend all your energy and life pacifying someone at your own emotional well-beings expense.... or you can say "F. it mother, deal with it yourself, this isn't my problem" and get from distance from it.

Until you put those boundaries in, until you start really believing that you deserve love and respect and to not be treated like the family's scapegoat then you are going to be continually trying to fix the unfixable.
You are starting to put some boundaries in by not calling your mother and she is punishing you for it. Guilting you into doing what she's always liked; begging forgiveness and declaring your love and allegiance to her.

Trust me when i tell you this, the more boundaries you put in, the more respect you get for yourself, the more you distance from her and don't allow yourself to be manipulated into meeting her needs , the more healthy you get.... the more you will see your mom spit the dummy. Because you will be changing some deeply ingrained dynamics that served her well. She is going to tantrum and manipulate even more in an attempt to bring you into line. You getting emotionally healthy is going to be very uncomfortable for her. But it something you cannot avoid. And it isn't your fault.