I feel like I'm screwing everything up these days. A couple weeks ago, I lost a really close friendship (which I think was her issue, not mine, because I was trying to insert some boundaries she didn't like, but still); I screwed things up with T by emailing her even though I don't think she's mad at me (and probably will forget all about any anger she might have had by the time we have our phone check in and I'm sobbing hysterically about losing my mother again); and now this situation with my mother that I have no idea how to get out of. I don't just want to end the relationship. She's my mother; she's the only one I have and I love her and I need her. I went two years without seeing her and I never want to go through that pain ever again. Having her treat me badly is better than not having her at all.