Thanks you so much for all your thoughts on this. To clarify, i think at the time she did say " i think i've made a mistake and a boundary has been crossed".

I have just spent the last hour talking to her in a crisis call at her request. She took full responsibility for it, and explained she was the one to "f. up" it was her stuff etc. That i haven't done anything wrong at all and that i do stick to and respect boundaries.
She reassured me on all counts and explained everything to me. She said she's sticking with me, she's not going anywhere no matter how angry i get at her.
We talked a lot about my some of my anger comes from, cos a lot of it about Wednesday was displaced anger from my past. I talked about my interpersonal skills being at the level of a two year old when i'm angry LOL (because i basically blasted her in texts for the past 3 days) and she said that it's ok if i'm going thru the terrible 2's, that made us both laugh.
We talked thru a lot of stuff actually and she was really understanding, very honest and very reassuring. It's all going to be ok. I'm going back next week and no doubt we'll process some more. Rupture fixed. Mostly.