And the thing I just can't get out of my head is what if it really is all my fault? What if she didn't actually hurt me and I just embellished/exaggerated/made stuff up because I really didn't like the rules in her house? I've considered this periodically over the past few years; sometimes I think things happened that didn't make sense to me, so I wove those things into a cohesive narrative and cast her as the villain, when really we were both at fault, and me probably more so.

Because the fact of the matter is, even if she did "kick me out," she was angry and quickly repentant, and I was the one who chose to stay away. I can see how much that hurt her and how much of a toll it took on her emotionally, and she did spend so much time and money trying to get me back, but I had this idea in my head that she was this abusive monster who hurt me, so I refused. What if that idea is just a fantasy, because I wanted attention or simply because I wanted to make sense of my own actions?