Hey guys I could really do with an outside perspective.
I'm currently in a relationship that I do not want to be in. I broke up with the father of my child last year (feb) due to the lack of trust in the relationship. It was difficult, but I definitely needed the break, and I enjoyed my free time.
Due to complications family, home and money wise (and also health - I'm bipolar and had a bad one last year due to the stress) I got back with him. The plan was to try and make it work, see if feelings came back but they didn't.
I had a manic episode in December, and ended up sleeping with a friend (I've never cheated before!) due to hypersexuality. It was suppose to be a one night thing to get it out of my system and it was okay - I know it seems bad but I felt like I needed it. It certainly felt like the best thing to do, for myself, at the time.
However, we were still texting and flirting as friends and about 3 week later it happened again. This time it was different. Rather than being just sex, it was more passionate. We bonded. From then on we formed a connection.
From then up to now it seems I'm practically having an affair, not what I intended, but this guy genuinely makes me happy. We got even closer, and he accepted my situation and left the ball in my court. I know he really likes me, but deep down I know he's wary and a little confused about what he truly wants. Which is understandable.
He tried to end it last week, he sent me a message saying it was clear that we should just be friends and nothing more. I was gutted, and so upset. It lasted about 6 hours before he was messaging me again. All this week he's been there as usual, but I've been off - I don't want Moro be messed about and I do not want to get hurt by this guy. He picked up the cues and it seems he panicked - he told me he was having a rant when he said let's just be friends and he's left it up to me. I told him that the rant basically hurt and that he needs to make his mind up. He then proceeded to explain that he only said it for my benefit as he doesn't want to ruin my life by being involved in my home life.
Anyway I'm sorry for the rant! I'm in such a mess and I don't know why to do. One thing I know is that I cannot leave home until my health is sorted and I'm more stable, and I've save up enough to be able to support me and my daughter.
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Lola Olivia ~ 7/11/11 ~ my reason for breathing
Bipolar Affective Disorder type 2 - (2013)
'Borderline traits'
Dissociative episodes
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