Wanthelp,

Your name is really hopeful. Take note of that.

I think depression isn't realizing you're in a tunnel. Or even being in a tunnel. We all go into them in life. But depression is being in the tunnel, slowing down or stopping, and instead of looking at the end, we look down at the ground. We lose sight of the fact that it ends.

I say that you have reasons to be depressed and it's understandable. You have a fair amount of pressure on you, and the depression is a response by your body and your subconscious to cope.

Your anger and frustration can HELP you get through this. But if you ignore or suppress the anger, your depression will grow. First, suspend judgement on the way you feel. Don't think about whether it's right or wrong for you to feel frustrated or angry.

If you're honest about the current situation, you can look at the things you're holding as valuable and it may be time for you to change one. Maybe you don't really feel good about engineering, but feel guilty changing direction? Maybe you want to do something else besides your current education model? Maybe the relationship with your girlfriend has problems that you need to address or it would be healthy to part ways? You probably feel guilt about that too.

I test myself by asking, "if that decision was made for me would I feel better? Even if it hurt at first like ripping off a bandaid, would I feel better?" Often the answer is yes. And then I know I'm getting anxious and depressed because I'm delaying a decision based on how it would look to the rest of the world, and my fear of being wrong. I maintain looking ok because the pain I inflict on myself (depression) is more normal and manageable to me.

Your situation isn't just as simple almost done making a decision. There are probably other factors and that's why a reputable counselor and help diagnosing is important for you. But I want you to view the way you feel and your experiences more objectively than what it is like being under the weight of them.

Take Alone&confused's response above. (Hope it's ok if I pick on ya because we're all trying to get better.) Based on the description of her relationship with her boyfriend I think the answer is clear as day that it's a huge source of pain for her and if it went away--the whole relationship--she would be better. But she'd rather tell you that it sucks and he sucks and everything sucks because it feels a little better to vent and keep that pain she has instead of opening up to a different pain at risk of getting free. I know how this works, but it's taken years and lots of damage inflicted on the things I care about.

Seek help hard right now. You already are and that's good. That anger will help you fight the pain and improve your situation. That's what it's for right?

Peace and blessings