Quote:
Originally Posted by Yearning0723
I know that most of this is my issue to fix with T instead of something I need to fix with my mother; I know that to a certain extent it is something I need to fix inside myself and work through on my own. And I know that the thing I'm going to have to work on most is being boundaried and asserting my own needs and taking some space when necessary.
But that's not my issue right now. My issue is that I have a mother who I want a relationship with. Right now, there is a rupture in our relationship because we were honest with each other about our feelings. I don't know how to resolve this rupture in the short term. We said some stuff we can't take back; I can't just call her up tomorrow and pretend stuff never happened. So I don't know how to resolve that part in the practical here and now. That's really my issue.
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Of course, pretending it never happened, isn't resolving your inner conflict. You will be able to proceed with an amicable relationship with your mom, yes, it's possible. It's just one, where you are accepting her inability to take ownership, for how she has treated you, knowing full well, how past behaviors have hurt and shaped you.
For instance, my exh, is one who will not ever accept his role, how his need to have everyone around him soothe his insecurities affects each and every one of us, myself, and the three kids, specifically. recognizing, this is how it is, will formulate a different type of working relationship between him, his kids, me their mother.
My dad, at least, acknowledged, he sent me packing, because he knew being with him and stepmom was not right. He and I have a different, but semi functioning relationship. He's not completely out of my life. Boundaries, limits, self awareness, of when it's negatively affecting me, are in place.
You don't have to forget or even forgive. May place you in the parent/adult role, tbh.
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