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Originally Posted by healingme4me
Add: about inability, to look at self, with a need to shift blame, sooth insecurities, why I feel this is more about borderline shame, than narcissistic injury, is the nature of the tears. Low self esteem, pattern of instability in relationships and financial crisis. The fact you desire to have compassion, and the self doubt, because it's not all black and white, how people feel and desire rescue borderlines. Many a narcissist, ppl would rather flee, there's mean streaks, at times...
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I also agree that your mother's reactions suggest BPD to me. My own mother's reactions have always been very similar. She has never been in treatment, but I am 100% sure that she has BPD. I also have borderline traits.
I've read a lot of books on BPD, but there were three that helped me in understanding my mother and changing my interactions with her: "Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder," "Surviving a Borderline Parent," and "Understanding the Borderline Mother." The last one was particularly helpful to me, as it does a good job about talking about different ways that BPD presents itself in different people, or even in the same person at different times. (It's expensive, but I borrowed it from the library.)
(I don't mean to pigeonhole or diagnose someone I don't know, but when I started to read about BPD, it was like a light from the heavens, both for understanding my mother and myself. And it has improved our relationship quite a lot.)