Nothing is black and white, so the victim isn't all good or all bad and the abuser isn't all evil and bad and has no good in them ( in this case at least.)

You don't have to go around telling everyone who will listen "hey guess what i was abused growing up" " hey guess what, my mom is evil and did horrible things to me." What happened in your past is no ones business and not everything needs labelled. Just get used to saying to yourself "i am not to blame" get comfortable with it, because that is the pure truth.