Awe, of course it is easier to hate yourself. I've done that too. It is SO wrong for our mothers to turn against us, because how can that not be the most traumatizing, confusing, annihilating experience ever?

When I've been lost in that experience, I try to reach deeper for my sense of mothering- I think of archetypal mothers, the life force of women, of mothers, like goddess figures if you're spiritual, or the warm presence of maternal figures in my life, like teachers and counselors, and I think about myself as a mother as well, and try to mother myself with compassion and caring... and a bit of indulgence. It's not the same as having one really good mother, but it is enough.