Quote:
Originally Posted by scorpiosis37
Why don't you make T your accountability partner? Tell her that you can only afford to have 1 90-minute session, 1 30-minute session, and 1 paid e-mail per week. When those times are up, have T end the session. Therapy really should have time boundaries anyway, in order to maintain the therapeutic frame and to keep the relationship healthy rather than excessive/obsessive (assuming you are stable enough, which it sounds like you are). It seems that it should be fairly easy for T to uphold those time boundaries if you simply ask her. This is your decision, but it seems like it is in your best interests to ask for this. Not only do you need to stop going into debt in order to pay for therapy, but it's good to have time between sessions to apply the DBT skills you are learning (like distress tolerance, self-soothing, self-coping, etc) and to turn to people in your life (husband, friends, etc) for support rather than to rely so heavily on your T. It sounds like this could be a really positive step for you, in order to continue doing intense therapy without allowing it to become obsessive.
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I am really glad you brought this up, because what you say sounds very reasonable and smart.
Still, it is a big sticking point for me, maybe I could use some help sorting out why I'm stuck. My fear is that if I ask her that, she will cut me off, and I will feel so... angry and abandoned. I have some history with really difficult therapeutic relationships and with other women in the distant past, and it has made me very very.... anxious to like get everything I can out of my relationship with her, for fear of it ending suddenly, or for fear that a misunderstanding would end the relationship, so... old news, you know, sigh.
She has reassured me she plans on being around as long as I want/need to see her. She has reassured me that no misunderstanding, nothing I can do, will cause her to stop seeing me, that she knows me well enough at this point to commit to that.
It's like- I don't want to give her the control, even if I am *giving* her the control.
I know that's not sensible, but it's emotionally sensible, because I have learned to be greedy about women like her in my life, that being understood and cared about is a finite experience, not to mention one that often ends badly.
I do know some of what's going on, but it's still hard to be disciplined.
I am thinking about doing two things in the interim... maybe they would help?
1. Set a timer 15 minutes before session end, so I wrap up in a timely fashion, and let her help me calm down if I need it so I don't feel like I have to keep going until I'm all the way through a long topic.
2. I can set up my account to cut me off after X period of time (it's online therapy, so there are some constraints like that I can employ sometimes.)
I have to think about what you said- it DOES sound like a good idea, but makes me very uncomfortable too.