Thanks for your guys' responses.

StrongerMan, I liked your illustration about me putting myself in a double mind. Damned if I do, damned if I don't. You're exactly right. If I don't work, I'll continue to live in this substandard poverty lifestyle that I've had as of late and won't improve myself or make myself stronger in anyway. If I force myself to go to work, I probably will suffer through some intense crippling anxiety, but hopefully I won't give in the anxiety but since I've been giving in for years, it's going to be very difficult.
I am sick of having and living with anxiety all the time. It needs to stop.