Ok, so I am 27 years old and should and do not want to live with my mother any more. I am taking steps to leaving; however, in the past I have been guilted into forfeiting large amounts of money (~35k).

I am very confused and feel alone because my family seems to center around her. This will be long but I desperately need to know if this is a possible narcissist.

Rather than make this a laborious story, I will give bullet points of the most startling behavior as noted by myself and others . I will keep it as matter-of-fact as possible:

• She refused to leave a burning building while pregnant with me because she did not have her makeup on (age ~31)
• She had a man (friend) who she befriended in a pseudo-romantic fashion, only to kick him out the house once she got her Master's at 32. He is my "father" insofaras he put his name on my birth certificate and took care of me and my sister. Even today, he will change his whole position after talking with her.
• She then befriended a lesbian for the sole intent of getting "eaten out" and gifts.
• She later broke it off with said lesbian as she began to expect more of a relationship; the lesbian had to call her job and threaten her to get her bracelet back. She refused until her boss told her of the reports. This behavior continued into her 50s. She always said she had no desire to reciprocate and was not a lesbian.
• She continuously told my sister that she liked that I was a lighter complexion, like she is (I'm an AA).
• My sister was kicked out at 16 for hitting me too much from 2-3.
• She refused to hold my hand from 3-5 while crossing the street as this inhibited her "walk."
• I was not allowed to play with others in my neighboorhood because they were "bad kids"
• She spends about 2-3 hours in the mirror per day, fixing her hair. The less attention I give her, the more outlandishly made-up she becomes, peaking when I am away for a few days.
• She insists that those she has had issues with are mentally unwell.
• She has slept with one person, only to sleep with his brother the next month. She thought the fact that they were fighting over her to the point of near-death was amusing.
• She does display empathy--but I am unsure if it is real, as it can switch easily depending on what is said.
• As a loner (I'm heavily schizoid if not fully), she does not like me doing too much for myself. She has come to college unannounced to clean, organize, etc and becomes irate when these things need not be done.
• She has involuntarily commited me multiple times (she is good at triggering people) and omitted completely details of the ongoings of my house (i.e. having to defend her from her drunk boyfriend to near death at 16-17).
• During my last hospitalization, she refused to visit because I let staff know of these things. She did not want "her buissness" out there, despite putting mine in sordid detail in each involuntary commitment (I have had no other involuntary commitments anywhere else by any other party).
• She has lied in order to guilt multiple times. The last being a call I made to CPS on my sister (who lives with a child in deplorable conditions). She claimed my "father" (her friend) was crying on the phone and that I upset him deeply. He did not know any of this at the time when I called him, and there were no logs of any call being made or recieved from him that day on her phone. Once I proved it was a lie, she continued to insist it was not.
• I have never heard her apologize for anything regarding the home environment. Attempts to do so are normally deflected back to me "What about you" etc.
• She is obsessed with expensive/showy things. She has paid for cars that are 9/10ths her mortage rate despite financial strain solely because "it looked good"
• She claims not to know how to use things, only to use them to a near expert degree once a man shows interest (e.g. she learned how to take pictures and e-mail on a smartphone in 20 minutes, despite claiming needing lessons from me for a year).
• She has admitted to manipulation in jest, stating something of the sort, "When you were little, I'd just frown like this and you'd do it"
• When I did not e-mail or call her for about 3 days while living alone, she sent me a long e-mail about how she knew I had a significant other and was ignoring her (I was just depressed and being a loner).
• She has lied to cops (e.g. she said "he is not on his medication" after getting into an argument with me, then laughed)
• All of her relationships have a high degree of recalled victimization. In fact, I do not know what she did to others as she is always painted as a victim in her accounts.
• If she clashes with people (i.e. car accident), she will rant about her Master's degree or some status, etc. She becomes very, very foul-mothed and angry.
• She visits her mother, yet mocks her when she begins to rant (she is manic depressive).
• Her sister has called her cold-hearted multiple times and most of her family dislikes her (again, she painted this as jealousy/envy of her).
• At my early age (5-7), she'd claim people were looking at her (in almost every store) and jealous of her hair/beauty (her hair is fake). If I said I doubted it, she'd call me naive.
• She is overly protective. If I want to do something, she begins shaming and listing reasons why something will go wrong/fail. This becomes increasingly desperate when I would say I would leave the house for a long period of time.
• She seems threatened by my independence, multiple times, mocking and shaming "go ahead, spread your wings if u gotta be a man; you're a man either way, why does it matter if you do it alone?"
• As such, she will then complain of very, very trivial things. I.E. a request to clean the kitchen is denied because its "her kitchen". Ordering a meal $2 more than another is a complaint/shame. Taking a bottle of unopened toilet cleaner is "wasting her money"
• She seems to try to evoke a negative response, i.e. (today) turning hot water on my hand, almost as if she wants to be hit
• She will leave the house, claim being cold and victimized until I "fold" I am "disturbing her peace". This has been echoed in many of her relations.
• She will not recognize help. Despite the fact that if I were not here during grad school she would have lost her house, she continues to assert that I was with her for all years, despite living 85% of it on campus of alone.
• She will curse me out and try to elicit a response, then return with the cops or some other threat, claiming to "be a caring and concered parent" with a cunning degree of believability.
• She used to be angry with the fact that I said we did not look hispanic. This normally ended in a diatribe.
• She has had to file bankruptcy after buying a big house with lots of furniture despite never having company and only 2 cohabitants
• She has asserted things occured with straight-face that are impossible to have occured for shaming.
• She had liasons with a man who used her solely for sex, yet asserted that he was in love with her and being used by her. When I commented, she said I was jealous.
• She has said, "You can be my man" etc multiple times in "jest".
• Any attempt to get her to own up to this is met with deflection. I.E. "Mom you were abused" turns into "by you!" etc.
• She quickly glides through emotions for shaming. e.g. I pretended to "breakdown" and apologize, asserting my disorder was caused by a brain abnormality--not her parenting or genetics at all. She then said how lonely she was without me in the house etc.
• Ex-friends dubbed her "Master Manipulator of the Mentally Ill"

I do think she might have NPD. It's sad because my friends have said this house was non-ideal, but I stayed and gave money. The only way I can survive now is to threaten her with documents she sent me to write for her (breaches of HIPPA law/child neglect).


She is a foster child who was abused. Her mother is a manic depressive (and possibly borderline from what I've seen--very flighty and mean out of nowhere). My 1 uncle stabbed himself 44 times and the other jumped from a roof and is now paralysed from the waist down. Another was shot in the head. Mental illness runs rampant on her side.

Any takes?