So my T of two years ( who is usually quite caring and attuned ) really hurt my feelings Friday. Unfortunately it was right at the end of the session. We had had a major breakthrough the week before. I asked her about something she had said....and she had no memory at all of any of it. She tried to cover by asking me " what did you think that meant? "
I replied "I don't know what you meant. That is why I am asking"
It then became quite clear she remembered only a small fraction of what we had talked about.

I got pretty upset (crying etc) but we were out of time so I pulled myself together.

To make it worse we have a routine where I email after my session for reassurance. Much of what I am in therapy for is related to childhood abuse and neglect and I often worry after a session that she will find me repulsive.

Well this time it was longer than usual because I was very hurt ( though not mean or angry)
She ALWAYS answers this email Friday evening but this time she has not responded at all. That is almost worse than the initial issue because now she is taking away the comfort of email from me.

My trust is completely blown. I have a session Monday ( my job is very seasonal and in the spring and summer it's hard for me to even make a session twice a month so we have been doing twice a week this month to try to lay some ground work before spring) and I don't even want to go.

I've also spiraled into some of the worst ed behavior I've had in years.
I don't know what to do. I know if I want to get better I should go back. But to me it's proof that the therapy relationship is all false. Which means she doesn't actually care about which makes all the rest of therapy pointless..

I know it really shouldn't matter if she cares or not. But it really does matter...

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