There are guides out there for how to get out of an abusive relationship, where to go if you have kids, if you don't have money, etc.
I have yet to see a guide for children of abusive families and how to become independent.

• There's no doubt in my mind that I experienced emotional/psychological abuse, and health related neglect by my father. When I'm hurt he trivializes it and says there's nothing he can do to help me, which is why I think it's a little neglectful? I'm not sure though. There was one incident that I kind of consider to be csa by him. 9 years ago when he got thyroid cancer and had it removed, he had to be put on hormones which basically stopped some of his angry abusive behaviors, but he still continues with less fervor.
• My mom's never abused me, but she can be weird when she's drunk, and sometimes emotionally absent. (I once told her I felt suicidal and she said something like 'I cant deal with this, I'm drinking and trying to enjoy myself').
• My sister has been violent to me in the past, way out of the range of 'sibling rivalry'. She once had me in a corner with a screwdriver in my face over a cd that I didn't have, and the only punishment she got was to apologize.
• I've endured csa, inc*st, and r*pe by people I can count on one hand, but too many times to count. I'm easily triggered by even mere mentions of the word, the name of people, any resemblance of the people such as a hairstyle, etc.

In a way, I feel like what I went through, and continue to go through, is nowhere near as bad as what others go through. I also know that what I went through is something no human should ever have to, so I'm conflicted and sometimes don't feel like I was abused at all, if that makes sense.

I have 3 mental illnesses and undiagnosed social anxiety, most of which are very crippling at times. Basically my psyche has been shattered to pieces over and over. I hold a lot of anger over my past and I've been trying to accept it and deal with it lately, but my family dynamics haven't changed much.

I don't have a job and I've applied to 2 jobs in my entire life. I'm scared to get a job for anxiety reasons and being afraid of people, especially men. If you can find my thread in the career/ school sub-forum, it's explained more there. I can't drive, either, and I'm terrified to because of dissociation/ anxiety/ schizoaffective symptoms I have. I am also terrified of riding the public bus system, but would like to learn.

I'm plagued with unending thoughts about how to get out of here, if I truly want to get out of here, where would I go (I've moved many times, this last move was in '08 and I HATE where I am, so I'd probably want to live out of this state/ the southwest in general) what I can do to take care of myself, if I will make friends, etc. I know I don't want to room with someone I don't know. A part of me doesn't want to leave, because I'm being financially supported right now and being homeless/ too poor to eat is one of my fears.

My mom is the main reason/excuse? I want to stay because I trust her the most and she's the most supportive person I have in my life right now.
My support system is very small, the only 2 friends I have are over the internet (the acquaintances i made here never got past that stage), and I can't stay with any extended family (they are all as messed up as mine).

I know I need to get better before I can be independent, but it's hard to get better in an environment like this. Part of me thinks it doesn't matter if I'm better, I need to just take a huge risk and take the steps needed to leave immediately.
I constantly worry about my family's financial situation and have seen how it can effect you firsthand, so it's important for me to have at least 5-10k saved up before I move out in case of emergencies.

I'm not in immediate danger, as I haven't been physically hurt since 2012. I don't want to go to a shelter, especially around here bc the women are targeted for crime and sex trafficking.
I'm taking a break from seeing my therapist, so please don't suggest me to go see one. Things to bring up with her the next time I go would be helpful, though.

I just... really need advice. I can't pull myself up by the bootstraps as self-help strategies don't stick in my memory. I have a lot of excuses and even more legit reasons as to why I'm still here.
If anyone's had to deal with something like this, I would love to hear how you overcame it. I don't know what to do and I've been stuck in this stage since I got my GED in 2011. I'm 19, btw.