I'm scared of terminating with T
I'm scared that i'm too attached to T
I'm scared that I've let T into my life
I'm scared of rejection
I'm scared I can't actually feel emotions
I'm scared of showing my emotions
I'm scared of 'crashing'
I'm scared of failing
I'm scared of letting down my guard
I'm scared of never getting rid of my thoughts/flashbacks
I'm scared of doing something i'll regret
I'm scared of moving forward
I'm scared i'll never be-able to move forward
I'm scared of sleep
I'm scared of being judged
I'm scared of being wrong
I'm scared I don't know who I am
I'm scared that I don't actually know if I'm scared or just being stupid
I'm scared of my past/present and future

But the other me - on the outside is smiling..a confident enthusiastic person..I don't have trouble making friends.. i'm at university with decent loyal friends and I genuinely feel this too?! I go out lots and I never let my past/thoughts stop me.. I enjoy my life... but inside my head is the other me sneaks up especially at night or when i'm alone...But right now, i've got nothing to be upset about.. i currently have a roof over my head, food and loving house-mates. But all I want is to go back to my horrible abusive and neglectful past or T to adopt me and keep me safe.

I feel like a robot. EatSleepWorkRaveSmileRepeat

Sorry.