*Trigger warning for those offended by/ uncomfortable with sexual masochism*

I had my session yesterday. And I didn't cry because we weren't looking at the really difficult stuff, we were talking about what I'd done the night before - I had a lot of fun out with friends, but drank too much. It was not a mainstream event, and one friend brought his whip along, and to cut a long story short I have quite a few marks from playing with him.

In session when we were discussing this I showed my therapist a whip mark on my arm and thought nothing of it. But then, later at home, I suddenly realized I had not asked her if it was okay to do that - I just showed her. And to me it wasn't a big deal, not a nasty cut at all, but she had said to her it looked significant - so then I started worrying in case I had caused her real discomfort or distress, but that she had just kept her own feelings about it out of the room. The thing was, though, that even though I felt guilty for not remembering to check (usually I am super careful about this kind of thing) and just spontaneously showing her and unhappy at the idea of causing her distress - well, I didn't catastrophize it in my own head. I thought, I'll apologize and we can talk about it, and it will be okay - it won't have messed up our relationship forever. As it happens it wasn't a problem at all, she said it helps her understand more to see it.

Then later, I reflected on the way I feel differently about the connection now. Back when I started, and as I started to get attached, the sessions were great, but in between I still felt alone - like the connection was only live whenever we were talking or writing etc. Now it's starting to feel like it's there the whole time, even on days we're not in touch it's there in the background. I'm not sure I'm expressing this well, but it does feel quite different.

So I wonder - I'm sure I have a long way to go, but is this maybe what the start of secure attachment looks like? How would you describe what secure attachment to your therapist feels like for you?