(((hug))) You have done it before, and you will succeed again. Don't forget to breathe. I actually envy your comfort with sameness...I have lost opportunities due to my episodic restlessness. It is ok to feel sad, and to grieve what you are losing, this was not your choice, or what you wanted. (I did have a similar thing happen in one of the few jobs I might have stayed at forever...it was pretty devastating ...I could still cry about it, even though it was long ago now.)-----hang in there.