Wow you have been through alot and sound like you know the ropes. I have been clean and sober 18 years with a couple of slips on pot. I tried to use it as an antidepressant. It did not really work for me so I gave up. I used to be a major pot head and was afraid I would get addicted again. AA is like totally against it even more medical use. I have been on meds for 20 years. Been on every antidepressant and combination you can think of. Some times they help sometimes not. I still cycle in and out of depressions no matter what. Traditionally three a year. In recent years it has gotten worse. I have not given up on meds and still keep switching up. I just switched to Lamictal with is not an SSRI and it seems to be working.
Even though I have been in AA for years I personally don't have any problem with people using pot for medical use. If it helps you use it. Only you have to be honest with yourself if it is becoming a problem or not or if you are over using it. Trust me it is not hard to get on the streets or legally. There are plenty of doctors who will prescribe it for you. I doubt that a mental health facility would though. The think about smoking is that it is really bad for your lungs. I have never tried it any other way so I don't know. There are lots of back and forth posts on here about meds and if they work or not and so on. I would read those and educate yourself on the latest research. The current research shows the SSRI's and SNRI's are effective 50% of the time. Then there are side affects to consider and whether one that is working will keep working over time. Lots of things to think about. Benzo's are very addictive and have bad withdrawal. If pot works it is better than taking a benzo in my opinion. Especially if you are prone to addiction. I currently take Klonopin for anxiety but I take it as prescribed and no more. They are very stingy giving it out at my mental health clinic. I don't even know if they will give me another script. He gave me a months worth to get through this med transition. I get anxiety all the time though. Its a tough racket we are in. There are two brand new antidepressants out that are not me too's and I am going to switch to one hopefully. I have not given up on meds yet.