I wish I had used when I was at my worst.....Sounds bad, but what I went through was sheer HELL. I only wanted a day "off" to give me the strength to fight again.
It's not addictive for me, but it works better than xanax for panic attacks.
Also it's illegal here and I'm guessing will NEVER be legalized in my state
I don't know where you are, but perhaps this would help

New England Dispensaries | Dispensary Locator

My idea being to get in touch with them FIRST to find a friendly yet competent physician? Seeing as how it's new in your area, you may find that doctor's are still a little....opinionated.....on the subject and less willing to help you.

I hear a lot of panic in your post and I think that if this is what calms you enough to make a good plan for yourself, then it's what you need....

I am not advocating it...it's just that we need the clouds to clear momentarily in order to think clearly.