I'm supposed to be looking for a job. I got one job application that I never finished because I got stuck with the references.

I should be trying harder. I should be looking at other places. I should be willing to fill in all of the job applications and network and be g****mn proactive. I just don't want to do any of these things. It's all too hard and exhausting, and I always feel like I'm bothering people by asking for a job that I don't think I'm good enough for.

I know it's a terrible attitude to have, and I know I will pay for my laziness and selfishness in the future. But I can't make myself even want to be more engaged with real life. All I want to do is read and stay in my silly fantasy world where I am a better, more capable person.