I'm in a book hoarding mania, and I don't want to do anything else except go to libraries and read.

I'm supposed to be looking for a job, but I'm having a hard time trying to do the applications. I don't want to network or socialize or have any obligations. I just want to be left alone so I can read and stay in my fantasy world where I am a good capable person.

I know it's not good for me to avoid my responsibilities. I know how selfish and greedy I sound, and I hate it. But I want to keep on being selfish and greedy. It's too much work to find a job and remake my entire personality into someone who deserves to get hired.

It feels like the more I try to be more productive, the more my id breaks me down. I hate feeling like my mind is a bratty child throwing a tantrum. I want to be a good person who does good things, but I hate the thought of actually doing good things because it's too much work and it's too difficult. I give up too easily.