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I'm sorry to hear that you are in the situation where you can not seek out help.
Is there a church or synagogue that you could go to in order to see a counselor? I know that those are not always the best option but it may be a good way to gain a bit of support, someone to talk to, and maybe find a supportive community among the people who worship there.
I do hope you are able to find someone to connect with. Let us know how it goes. Reach out here as well. Many here can be a support to you as well.
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"Your memory is a monster; you forget - it doesn't. It simply files things away. It keeps things for you, or hides things from you - and summons them to your recall with a will of its own. You think you have a memory; but it has you!" --John Irving
"What saves a man is to take a step. Then another step." --C.S. Lewis
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