My situation is really complicated, but I am considering looking for a mental health advocate. I kind of explained what happened in another thread, but I'll explain it here too so that it makes sense.

I'm a Nurse Practitioner, and 2 years ago I was on a medical leave. During that that time I was in a mixed state, highly anxious and suicidal. I did hard drugs for 3 days, with a bunch of benzos and alcohol as kind of a passive suicide attempt. My friends took me to hospital and I got committed for 3 weeks. Where I live if a nurse gets committed it is immediately reported to the regulatory body, and a disciplinary file is open. So I got my license suspended for 6 months. Because the story involved drugs, I was forced to go to rehab and I was put on a 3 year monitoring program, which involves random urine tests, medication compliance, mandatory 12 step meetings, and I can only take medications off a list of approved meds, it doesn't matter if it's prescribed. If I don't comply 100% they will suspend my license again. This is the exact same punishment as nurses who steal drugs from patients and use them while they are working. I was on leave when this happened, it only lasted 3 days, and I was in the middle of a severe mood episode. So I think being disciplined is unfair and discriminates against me for having a mental illness. Unfortunately, I'm still being monitored closely, so I can't do anything that will make me look noncompliant or unstable. This whole situation is humiliating, and it's made it very hard to recover. I haven't been fully out of the depression since all of this happened.

My pdoc would have me on a different set of meds if the monitor didn't interfere. She doesn't agree with any of this, and she wrote letters to advocate for me, but the letters were ignored. It's really frustrating, but any time I've tried to stand up for myself they impose more conditions and it just makes my situation worse.

So all I can think to do is quietly accept what is happening, and try not to obsess about how unfair it is (which is impossible). Once the monitoring is over I would like to somehow get my story out there to prevent this from happening to someone else, but it's not safe for me to do that now.

My biggest regret is going to hospital. If I knew any of this would happen I would never have gone, and there is absolutely no way I will ever go to a hospital again. I obsess about that regret all the time. I didn't really have much choice at the time because I was so out of control, but if I had known what the outcome would be maybe I could have pulled it together. I'll never know. I do know that if I get sick again I better keep it secret