Thanks for putting it in a different perspective for me. I have been so shocked by this family's behavior. To me it is emotional abuse of not only me but my fiance. I shielded my sons from it but that has been hard since I've been so emotional. Fiance has been sketchy and doesn't want to talk much about it. I have told him that I need awhile (maybe a month) to let her get it settled in her mind so she and he rest of his family is not so reactionary.

I am worried if I do it sooner that it will only be a superficial change or understanding and that it will happen again. I'm also concerned that I will say something that I will later be sorry for...like breaking it off with fiance. Fiance will have a chance to show his colors, too.

Thank you everyone for your input. Also, I will try to talk only to her at first to get fiance out of the middle. That, too, was a good suggestion