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Originally Posted by MuseumGhost
Oh, I know!!! Oh, to be a size 10, again!!! That is really pretty tiny!
I will admit, It is my husband who unfortunately makes me feel the MOST unheard and unanswered. I suppose he figures there's nothing else I can tell him that will enlighten him---or he is just plain tired of the sound of my voice after 12 years of marriage (although I've always been told that I have a pretty NICE voice!). Anyway, he bears much of the blame for so much of the way I still feel---the non-improving parts of my life----because he is a fairly unaffectionate, workaholic type.
If that situation were to change, by some miracle, I do think the majority of my problems with depression and anxiety would probably be greatly taken care of.
But I am not getting my hopes up. His behaviour lately points to things getting worse, in fact.
And please, do not suggest marriage counselling to me. I've tried discussing it with him, and he essentially flees the premises.
So, it's never going to happen.
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My wife and I have been married for 13 years (so congrats on 12 years, you're a curve buster too!). But one thing my wife and I have found is we really don't have that much to talk about. There aren't any more stories we don't know and things like that. Because of that, we've gotten lazy in listening to each other's fears and worries and problems as well.
So ... we're seeing a therapist. Not because our marriage is in trouble, but because we want to make it better. We're learning how to listen to each other again, working on our language when we speak to each other so we know each of us is hearing what the other intends to say. Plus, we're broadening our individual horizons so we have stuff to talk about.
I bet your husband sees a marriage counselor as someone you go to when there's a problem and that he doesn't want to acknowledge there's a problem. (I had to drag my wife kicking and screaming to our therapist and she's a big girl ... 5' 7" and kicks like a mule
) But it's not about there being a problem, it's about growing as a couple.
I wonder if your husband is fighting depression as well? It's something you might keep an eye on, but start with yourself. If he's not willing to go down the road with you, then you need to work on yourself without him. He may come around, but you've got a good start. I can already tell you're a positive, good person and that just needs to be drawn out of you. As you work on that with a therapist, maybe they can send you home with some exercises you can work on with your husband in listening and such without him have to go?