Lately, all I think about is dying. I've been suicidal off & on for years & although I'm not necessarily feeling that way now, I still feel like I'm dying. I feel as if something is going to happen to me in the near future that will take my life...& I wish it would. I've been struggling financially for a while now & things are only getting worse. I have no support system & no one to go to for help. The job I work I'm paid under the table so, I have no tax record of income. I owe on student loans to the point that they've sent me letters stating they'll take any tax refund I could get in the future & even garnish my wages hence one of the reasons I've kept the job I have. I can't chance losing a dime of my income. I usually have to chose between buying groceries & paying the electric bill. I'm literally flat broke. My child support ends this summer which will make my situation even worse. My 18 year old son graduates high school in May & currently refuses to get a job. His father is of no help when it comes to parenting & helping to set our son on the right path.

Anyway, my stress level is pretty high. Last night while sleeping, I woke up with a killer headache. I was immediately nauseous & when I opened my eyes, my eyesight was shaky. It felt like my eyes were moving back & forth really fast. Needless to say, this scared me tremendously. The first thing I thought was I was having a stroke.

Because of my financial issues, I feel like death would be a good thing. I'm so exhausted & I'm tired of living this life. I've struggled all my life & I don't want to live my later years this way. My birthday is this week & I feel hopeless. As I get older, my life gets harder. Things only get worse. I'm financially destitute & on the verge of losing everything. I want to fall asleep & never wake up. I want to peacefully drift off into heaven.