That's what my therapist told me yesterday, but I don't know if I can. I'm scared to trust people at school in case I get let down again.

In S2 (four years ago; I was 13), I went around with a group of people who were perfectly friendly towards me...when it suited them. The rest of the time, I was left out - left to go back from the shops by myself at lunch, left to eat alone, left to find other people to share a room with when we went on a school trip...I saw them literally running away from me at one point. And if I asked them why, they'd make up excuses - one I can remember is "we thought you were with us"...how hard is it to count to seven? Anyway, that doesn't really sound like much written down, I know, but I let this go on for an entire year, and I have no idea why. I guess the fact that they were sometimes friendly confused me, or else I thought that they were still better than having no friends at all.

Well, I have no friends at all now at school. Sure, there are people I'll talk to, but I spend break and lunch by myself, and it's possible for me to go hours without speaking to anyone. Sometime after S2 I managed to get it into my head that nobody at school really liked me, and although I don't have evidence for that I still find myself avoiding people there. I'm sure my experience in S2 has a lot to do with that (although I was shy and had low self-esteem beforehand).

So, I can see why my therapist wants me to forget my time in S2, but I can't forgive them. After all, what's to stop them doing exactly the same thing again? And I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing people a favour by keeping out of their way. Plus, like I said I don't trust anyone there any more. As far as I know, I didn't give the people in S2 any reason to dislike me - so it was either something I did that I didn't realise, or people don't actually need a reason to dislike you.

I guess the point of this post is - is there any way I can trust people at school again, and be sure I won't get let down? And if there isn't a way, how can I cope with that risk? I don't think avoiding people is the best strategy.

(Wasn't sure if this should go in PTSD or anxiety, so feel free to move it.)