First of all my manager is aware of my mental illness plus my anxiety. She is the best manager I have had and she has been trying to build my confidence by giving me some responsibility in the kitchen where I work. I was doing prep work, mainly the salad bar and anything else that needed to be done. The volunteer cook who has been doing it for 13yrs quit with two weeks notice. Meanwhile they found someone to take over my job so I could more or less follow around the cook who gave me no instruction whatsoever. I have been watching her whenever I got the chance but that was about it.

Because of the fact that I was the best choice to take over her job my boss told me she wanted me to do it. I just told her I would try but she said, "who else will I get to do it" When she said that I kind of felt like she picked me because she was in a no win situation. It was either me or get someone outside to come in which honestly I would not have liked.

The main problem is the fact that she has to go to the store to get supplies and has meetings so she is in and out during the shift. She informed me the night before I was to take over what to do the next morning. I had to put a ham and a pork roast in the oven first thing in the morning which I did. I ended up putting the ham in at the wrong temperature, when I finally took it out it was burnt to a crisp and not servable. The ham was on the menu for the day and the roast was for the following Tuesday. I broke down because it was serving time and my manager was gone. I was crying profusely because I let her down along with mysellf. For the first time in the year I have been there we had to change the menu and serve the pork roast instead, per my manager when she did come in. It is a small cafe and we only have a main meal and sandwiches daily. When she did come in she kind of laughed and I was a total mess and she hugged me and told me it would be alright. When she was hugging me she told me she kind of did this all on purpose to see how I would do. I loosened the hug and looked at her and said you are kidding right? and she said no.

I really didn't know how to feel, I know she was trying to build up my confidence but at the same time I thought it was kind of cruel esp since I was new at this.

She has been there for me thru thick and thin with my problems in life and she is always there to give me a hug when I need it. I really don't know what I would have done w/o her this year, esp since I am new to the area.

I have had many jobs and I can honestly say that I look forward to going to work, esp because of her.

I found myself looking for other jobs that night, which I know I don't really want to do.

I did confront her on the day and how I felt but she just said I know you can do it. I have never had a manager believe in me the way she does.

After we talked she gave me the keys to the cafe!!!

I think the reason I am torn is because I was never good at taking responsibility which I told her but again she said I could do it, and not be so hard on myself. I need to give it my best shot I guess and not run from this like I have in the past.

I don't know what I am looking for in writing this but I wanted to get it off my chest.

Sorry it has become so long!!