T offered (reluctantly) to do a 15 minute phone check-in with me today, and even though I needed it and feel a lot better after telling her about the situation with my mother, I feel super guilty about it. First of all, because I know she doesn't want me relying on her between sessions (even though she did offer and it was pretty important), especially since she doesn't charge for check ins, and second because she isn't mad at me about the email, or if she was, it didn't show and she didn't mention it. I feel guilty for taking up her time and breaking her rules and violating her boundaries and not being punished in any way for it.

She was super empathetic and caring and lovely with me today, and she told me it wasn't my fault my mom was upset and I was doing the right thing by setting some boundaries and taking the time I need, and just because she got upset doesn't mean I did anything wrong, and that she recognizes this is really tough for me and I'm doing my best and my mother's reaction must have been really upsetting to me (it was!). And she was glad that I was doing some good self-care and using all the resources available to me to get myself through this, and she reminded me to question my thoughts about "I screwed up" or "I failed" or "it's my fault she's upset." And talking to her felt really good and soothing.

Probably an example of me relying on her, a.k.a. what I'm trying to avoid. Although I have gotten myself through the past few days with minimal difficulty...I just feel so guilty...