So then how do I go about talking to her about this and figuring out if it is reality or paranoia?

She has insisted something is real before and it wasn't and there was no talking her out of it. It is happening more often now.

She would get upset with me for trying to tell her something is not real.
If it was not real, how do I teach her to not let it bother her?
And what if it was real? Then Im not validating how she felt?