Teal I've always had issues opening up. I was taught to never share what u feel and just keep it to urself. So that's what I've always done, I know the moment she reads what I've written I'll get agitated. I know the moment she starts talking about it I'll get mad. I also know I will never want to speak of these things again and I'll be hyper aggressive, have a migraine, and then nothing. I will remember nothing. I won't know how I got home or anything about the day. But before that happens I know what I'll want to do and that always will be physical pain. I will not go home until that is met.

I always hope someone just punches me in the face to get it over with but that never happens. Usually I try to find an inanimate object that won't break my hand and I'll just hit it a few times. Punching bags are nice but not readily available.

I know this is bad behavior but it's better than my alternative