Hi, I'm wondering if you can get out the way you're feeling by looking up poems on the web and choosing ones that come close to how you're feeling (even if you only use a few lines to show someone). That may make you feel less alone by someone else having written/typed what you're feeling and give you a bit more confidence passing these on to others.
Even choose some pictures/scenes from google images (?) to paste onto a document to show how you're feeling.
And yes, art can be a real good thing even if you start out with just painting colours/shapes/forms as to how you're feeling with a few words thrown into there.
But as well think about all the "worst case scenarios" that could happen if someone felt like you and they shared their feelings. I know you don't know why it's so hard for you, so think about someone else. Then maybe something will "gel" as you're challenging each possible outcome and you can come a bit closer to helping yourself open up.
I'm wondering if you either feel bad about yourself or are too tough on yourself as well??
I mean maybe the staff there don't try to communicate with you because they're not expecting you to communicate back not because they hate you. It's still wrong of them of course but that's more about them not being very good not about you.
Then it would be good if you could try to communicate with someone there, is there anyone who you might be able to break down the barriers just a little with??
And again, I think that people out there when you hit the social care system (with their training) should be more understanding and helpful than you might think if they know you have some difficulties with communicating. So don't "beat yourself up" too much if it's taking you a little time to communicate everything, they are there to help you and should support you each step of the way.
So give yourself some time, try different things and take it at your own pace.
Best wishes
Alison
P.S is there any way you can force yourself not to rip up what you're writing. Even if you just put the letters to one side and either read or consider sending/giving them to someone a few days later. Then at least you're giving yourself a bit more of a chance/choice in sending/giving them or not sending/giving them.