I have TT today for the first time in two weeks. I do not want to go.

1) my appointment is at 6 meaning I have to ride the train at an EXTREMELY packed time of day and I HATE physical contact with strangers. Several times, I've been squished into a wall by some guy about the size of my dad and I just dissociate. Or someone will accidentally brush up against my butt and I dissociate. It is really difficult

2) it's awkward to talk to her

3) I don't feel like I get anything out of it so it's just an unneeded upsetting trip. I know I don't get anything out of it because I don't put much in she I don't open up. I try to. I forgot to write her the letter. Or I procrastinated it too long.