I am really sorry to hear about your past and present situation. It sounds like you could be mixed state but honestly I think people put too many labels on things. As I mentioned to my therapist, when I read about bipolar disorder it almost takes away hope. It can feel like a life sentence. There are some things you can't control right now but try to focus on the things you can control such as eating regularly or go out and try to take a walk etc. when I get to this state when EVERYTHING is causing me to get angry or really depressed I try to focus on something positive I can control. Regarding your grandma...I experienced something similar with my father. He tries to give me advice on my disorder even though he knows nothing about it. He thought I did not need meds because I don't run up and down the streets naked??? I just had to accept his ignorance and do what I know us best for me. Though grandma does not want accept your illness right now, it does not mean you should take her advice. Do what you can to help yourself with the resources you have now.