Notrnrm, You are a very strong person. You have survived many very terrible episodes (from little girl till now) and I would say that your strength is what keeps you enduring, fighting and living (surviving) for all your life. Life can be ugly but when you have mood disorders (depression and bipolar), Life is so much worse!! When we are children and being abused by the same people who love us, there isn't a damn thin we can do but to put up with it and go through it. It is my belief that it partly damages our soul
I do not have any advice for you other than stay strong and stay on you meds