I'm struggling with my depression right now. I know part of it is the time of year, but I don't know what the other part is.
One thing that happens when I get in this place is I have a lot of accidents. I've been talking with my Ts about it. One of them thinks I may be punishing myself, but I don't know for what?
One thing it could be is we've been working on the abuse and the rape, and letting my emotions out. I have been told I shouldn't be ashamed about it, but I am. Talking about sex and my body makes me very uncomfortable. This has been this way since I was a little girl.
I'm on disability and can't work in my profession. I am working 2 days a week 5-6 hours each day in a catering department of a national restaurant chain. It helps, but I can't see myself doing much more than that.
Because my income is limited and my medical expenses are so high I'm eligible for housing assistance. I had to re-certify this year. My lease is up at the end of this week and the housing assistance people haven't gotten back to me with how much of my rent they will cover. I am really worried because if they don't get back to me I will need to pay the full amount. I can do that for a couple months but then what? I've called and sent emails to the agent and her supervisor and I keep hearing they will get back to me on this day, and then again on this next day, and ...
I'm single, living on my own and when this happens I isolate and I don't take care of myself. I know I shouldn't isolate and how much time does it take to take a shower, but none of that matters to me. I try to journal but I get nothing,
How do I get myself through this time? My psychiatrist is starting to suggest that ECT treatments may be necessary. I really don't want to have those again. If she hospitalizes me again, I won't have a choice.
AAARRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!