I appreciate everyone's responses. It helps me understand what she was trying to say, and she responded with what she meant. But now it brings up more questions then answers I think. If my reactions are the problem then haven't I caused my own depression? I used to think it was just a chemical imbalance in my brain but I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe I just made everything up. And now I just keep making it worse. And I feel bad because now my pdoc probably just thinks I'm taking the easy way out with medication I take. If I'm the one who caused the problem in the first place why can't I fix it?