I swear, sometimes I think the hardest thing about being bipolar and working is having to pretend that we're fine when we're not, and trying to fake being "normal" when we are either dying inside or needing to be scraped off the surface of the moon. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, my friend. I hope your upcoming med changes are helpful and that the oncoming spring will put a smile back on your face. (Just don't get manic like I do ) (((((HUGS)))))