I don't know if you are, but I used to not think I was. I just thought it was bad decisions. I look around and see people everywhere who appear happy and content. They have families, houses, hobbies, which equates to lives. I have none of that. Nothing but a bottomless pit. I have always worked since I was 12 years old. I have degenerative disc disease and need surgery in order to do any repetitive physical activity. That limits my work options. The work I obtained since herniating disc in 1994 was for easier work. I hated all of it and mad at myself for it happening. Went into a terrible depression. It comes and goes. I got laid off in 2005. Took me 3 years to get steady job that I could do. Managed to hold it for 3 years. Had outbursts 2 or 3 times which went on my record. Got fired. Went to work stocking at a Wal Mart in 2011 (not many jobs avaialable for middle age with no degree). Because of back, lasted 3 weeks. Quit and almost ended myself. Worked odd end jobs for while (not steady) and hired in a warehouse pulling orders. After 3 weeks and eating 15 Tylenol a day, still in massive pain, and did not urinate for 1 whole day, I quit. My vocational rehab counselor advised me to. After that, I was doing things trying to talk myself into ending it
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I don't have a clue if and/or when I will get ssdi. My therapist first said I should. I mentioned getting a job the other day, he said try a temp service. I am freaked out to try, because I don't think I can handle it if it doesn't work out. I really don't think mentally I'm anywhere mentally ready. But I've got to start providing for myself. Living dependent on father whom I despised growing up is extremely humilitating.

So in short, I have began to believe, at least for my sake, that I truly do have a debilitating mental problem.