I feel the urge to SI growing stronger. Like I want to go buy a new tool. But I shouldn't I know that. I want to feel control over something. I don't feel like I have control over anything. The SI is to feel control again. Over something/anything. Is it worth the feeling of control to give up a yearish of not doing it? Or making my health team concerned? Or my spouse concerned? I just need something to set me back upright in the sea before I drown. I don't even know if it'll work but its worth a shot.

Tig