I may not be a liar but the frequency is increasing.... drastically... and quickly. I'm doing all that I can but it doesn't seem like it is enough. I did do the homework for MRT labeling the issues that we are working on and what our life could have been, had it not for our choices. I wasn't in the best state of mind to do the assignment before today, and last night.

My major coping skill is to just withdrawal from everything... and everyone. After the insurance nightmare, not doing homework and just watching Netflix, I'm done. I hate this life so much and had the thought of disappointing my T for not calling the crisis line.... it may be a very interesting session today, and I keep saying that I will call the crisis line but I hate hearing the concern from others that it keeps me from calling. sometimes I just don't want to talk about thoughts. I often wonder if I were to just disappear if that would help me to find a way to find the strength to get through each day. Oh well better try and listen to a lecture.