Hi puzzclar, first of all really impressed you managed to do your homework but are you discussing your MRT sessions with your therapist?
While it sounds like it could be constructive for some, you're telling me that one focus is on "how my life could have been SO much better if I hadn't.........And if I hadn't.......I'd now be........have this....have that.......be doing............"??????
Now is that particular approach maybe not the right one for you???
I mean is it really supposed to help you, in particular, focusing on what you've "lost/what could have been" instead of dealing with issues and focusing on the road ahead??
And to me, people can make "choices" which are really not "choices" they/anyone would want for them. But if the person sees/feels no other alternative at the time/s (whether they are there or not) and what they are doing is all they feel they have, then is that really a choice?? Talk to your therapist.........
And phoning the crisis line...make that for YOU......YOU deserve concern from others, it absolutely doesn't make them better than you or you weaker than them. You're going through what you're going through and YOU need support with that.
And you can talk to them about whatever you want to, you don't have to just "launch in there" with all your thoughts. Take it bit by bit and maybe allow them to help you as much as they can at your own pace/in your own way.
Alison