I miss the self-confidence and excitement of hypomania. My life feels pretty boring on meds, but when I try to come off I go into depression. If I could stop meds and get hypomanic I would probably do it, but that's not how it seems to go. The other problem is that my hypomanias tend to turn mixed, and then I'm super anxious, agitated, and depressed. So I'm trying to remember the entire reality of what it is like off meds, because it's easy for me to romanticize the good times and forget the bad. I'm trying to come to terms with stability, but I still struggle with it.