Today is better than yesterday. I still feel pretty hopeless though. The new meds make me tired and yawn a lot. I cant concentrate, my mind is having half thoughts and I get confused a lot. It took me ages to figure out how to turn the air conditioning on in my car today - that is never usually a problem for me. I cant get in to see the pdoc until next week even though he promised to see me today. I suppose I just keep upping the dose of the new meds til I see him next. I know what dose he wants me on eventually, my brain is just so affected by them though, I feel completely retarded.

I want intensive psychotherapy, or some kind of extra group. I have one group tomorrow but it is not professionally run and they gave me bad advice last time that assisted me in being admitted to hospital. I still want to go back because I think some of the "rules" they have are really good, and its all about being normal in society which I think I need. I dont know where to start looking for a new psychologist, I've looked for intensive outpatient groups but there are none suitable within 60kms. Money is a big issue too. I only eat when I have my meds now, which I know is not good for me but I simply cannot afford food with all the medical bills.

Im weak and dizzy, forgetfull and easily confused. I dont think I should be left alone but I live alone and feel guilty when I ask my boyfriend to come and care for me. He works full time while at the moment I do not much of anything besides sit online and go to doctors appointments. I cant even meditate without crying or exercise without getting so dizzy I fall off the stationary bike. My horse is out in a herd so I dont need to feed her but I do check on her a couple times a day, thats a big effort and I feel bad for not working her but I'm barely functioning.