It doesn't seem to matter whether the terms disordered, Mentally Ill, or injury, or disease is used, I find that people who do not experience PTSD first hand simply cannot understand it. I would not have understood it myself had I not experienced it first hand. Even with experiencing it first hand, I often do not understand it. I think most who have it would agree that it's hard not to have a short temper because it doesn't feel like "I survived", and it's often frustrating and exhausting and can also be painful.

It seemed so important to me to "try" to explain it too. Often that is futile when explaining it to someone who has no first hand experience as I mentioned. It can even lead to a discussion where the person who doesn't get it can begin to trigger the person struggling with it because the average person is so programed to say "just", and that's the one thing people who struggle with it really wishes they could do. Just forget, just get over it, just stop dwelling, just ignore it, just relax, just move on, and so many more of these justs that sometimes just a simple discussion can become too painful for the PTSD sufferer and they just basically want to go back to bed or hide. They can get very "clinically depressed" and some are so bad that they just want to isolate, so they can find a little peace and quiet.

I hate when people say I am not trying hard enough too, it only reminds me how much they genuinely don't understand it. People with PTSD are "constantly" trying hard. My Therapist never says that to me, ever.
It's so weird, it's like having one part of you that is you trying to figure
out why there is this other part of you that can be so disruptive. Depending on the person's history, it can take time to figure out why some deep disturbance takes place in what is called a "trigger". See what most who don't experience it first hand don't understand, is that triggers that take place are not always from "knowns", meaning, I know this triggers me. Something triggers and a cycle begins and it can be quite time consuming to figure out "what is coming forward that is so damn crippling".

I would have never imagined being in my 50's and reliving every damn detail of a horrible experience I lived through at age 3. It's not even "just" a memory either, instead it is so vivid in every sense, just as if it is right now, in every way. That was over 50 years ago, why relive that now? Then I have to figure out "why" that did happen and what about that experience produced defense mechanisms in me that I honestly didn't even realize.

Someone once said that what can happen is a major trauma takes place that takes all one's subconscious memories/experiences that they "thought" was all neatly filed away, and just throws them all down on the floor like a bunch of puzzle pieces all strewn out. Whether one likes it or not, they have to spend time slowly putting all these pieces, which is often painful and exhausting and confusing, somehow back into a new and more organized place.

I remember when the PTSD got to a point where I began seeing that too,
I genuinely felt completely overwhelmed with it. I felt that there was no
possible way I could "ever" explain it in a way "anyone" could even begin
to understand it. I remember thinking that it would be way too much of
a burden for others and that it would be better for them if I ceased to exist. That is the dangerous period in PTSD and I am convinced that is the stage where many act on that overwhelming feeling/sense too.

What saved me was meeting someone here at PC, who knew where I was and finding a new therapist who genuinely understood it too. It's amazing how just one person can make such a huge difference. Its a amazing, how "I believe you" can mean so very much.


OE