I think that's apart of my largest fear, and that's hurting my husband in ways he may never forgive me for. We have children together so our ties must be civilized and remain uncut, it's important for all of us. The only reason I began questioning this is because of another man asking me to be his instead. Still I have not cheated, but the questioning us and imagining myself with the other feels like betrayal enough.

I wonder if/when I finally make my final decision it will be the right one, the selfless one, the considerate one for all of us. I wonder if he ever feels the same way. It's all confusing and difficult. I've found that obsessing of it only causes immense frustration. I decided to keep my dirty little secret a secret for awhile longer till I fully understand all that would be of consequence.

The mans perspective is still kind of scary, but avoiding the pain is impossible...somebody will hurt either way. There's no running away from that, that's scary to me.