Today I'm feeling "some type of way" as my students would say. I do feel telltale mixed signs but milder than usual thanks to trileptal. Still uncomfortable. I was irritable yesterday but I hid it better. Didn't get physical. Yelled a little bc my son was refusing to listen but that's better than I was doing.

My grandfather is in the hospital, went in in Monday, and I'm definitely feeling something about that. It's really cemented that I absolutely have to get back to a therapist ASAP. My feelings toward him and the rest of my family are so complicated that I'm goig to need a third party to talk to if he doesn't get better. That and this uncomfortable mixed state are forcing me back into treatment.

Just hope the pdoc isn't too much of a b1tch this time. If I act all contrite and pretend to grovel...yet I'm really sick of pretending.

I'm just spitballing here because I'll freak out If I don't and I'm at work and ALL my students are here And I have no staff once again. So it's going to be a tough day. Thanks.