I know how you feel....I know that I tend to be a little bit of a Pollyanna sometimes....but
I was abused as a child....I felt pain
Anti-depressants sometimes make me feel nothing and I desperately want to feel something. That need to feel something becomes the focus....the fix if you will.

I slip sometimes. Sadly (and embarrassingly) I will come to this forum, not for a fix, but to find another focus....I occasionally will scream for help, (I don't do a very good job of it) but I will mostly see if there is anyone to speak a kind word to.....

This is all very bad of me to confess, and I will most likely delete this.

But I see myself in you a lot, and I want you to know, even though I don't cut...I do scream.
I can commiserate.

Take care, ComfortingSoul